A Friend Always Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?

We've been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. However, she's constantly blindsided by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends drifted away then, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, likely understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several in her circle vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I know well many times and lived in for a while. I tried to share advice, but this was met with resistance. She really only wanted me to confirm her plans. I recently returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with a view to resolution requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel belong to you, after all. Finally is to question ways you together going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss everything, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a story of their life they won't release as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. But she may start out defensively then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve an agreement, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.